I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
