ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
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The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
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Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...