We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux