i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Semen is not good for contacts.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO