So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
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He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.