Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
its not stalking. its research.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning