why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
