i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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