Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
