I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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