Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
