I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
