they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize