Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
