sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
