I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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