when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
