sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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