I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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