Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
