Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
