drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
