When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
