Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
