I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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