8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
