and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
