hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
