maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
