Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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