it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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