i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
