Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
