someone threw a dead crab at me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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