Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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