Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Randomize
