I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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