I'm really into asian looking animals
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
