Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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