oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
