I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
