Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
