Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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