I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
