Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
