Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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