Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize