remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
