I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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