My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
