I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
