this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
