If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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