so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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