ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
