I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
