I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
