Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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