Don't you send me to vm
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
