Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm sobbing to NWA
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
