Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
