Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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