i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
