i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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