Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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