So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
