Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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